Hey people! It’s your opinionated lady, Vanessa back at it again. This time around we are going to have a lengthy talk about toxic relationships and how you can tell you’re in one. This is a follow-up post to my previous Ted Talk article. In case you missed it, you can read it here.
So, the question we are all waiting for. What is a toxic relationship? According to online sources, a toxic relationship is defined as one characterized by behaviours on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.
If I may put it simply, a toxic relationship is where instead of getting all the perks of being in a relationship such as moral and emotional support, love and care you are getting the opposite.
Some of you could be in a relationship but have no idea whether it is a toxic one or not. Today, we’re going to look at 7 signs that point out some crucial aspects of toxic relationships.
1. When you give and not get.
If you’re in a relationship where you find yourself putting in all the work when it comes to comprising and making sacrifices for the other partner, then it’s highly possible that you’re in a toxic arrangement. Basically, getting 20 per cent yet you are giving 100 per cent.
Let’s look at the case where you’re the only one giving up on things you like or letting go of certain behaviours and probably cancelling out a lot of things in your life just to please the other person and yet they aren’t making any effort in playing their part. Then, my friend, you are definitely in a toxic relationship.
2. Toeing with one another.
A relationship is based on mutual trust and if that’s not there, then it’s already bound to fail. So, if you feel the need to always hide your phone and at times lie about who you are meeting with because your partner might get jealous even if it’s nothing. Then there is a chance that the partnership may not last.
A healthy relationship has to allow openness and transparency without judgment. If you feel the need to hide things from your partner because of how they might react, that’s not even a relationship.
3. Mutual avoidance.
If you both feel the need to avoid each other and come up with different excuses to be apart, then there’s a chance you’re both living a lie. Let’s take an example whereby both of you avoid seeing each other because you always end up fighting and now do so frequently in the disguise of trying to save the relationship.
Honestly, is that even a relationship? Because there’s no way you are going to be there for each other without being together. If anything, you should be looking forward to seeing and spending time with your partner. If that’s not the case, that’s are toxic relationship!
4. Disconnection from your life.
If somehow after you got into the relationship you find yourself in a situation where you can’t hang out with your friends and family anymore, then it’s a sign you’re in the wrong relationship.
Whenever your family and friends begin to worry about your disappearance from their lives and end up calling you up unnecessarily just to ask how you’re doing then there is something wrong. If you find yourself disconnected from your life, depressed, helpless and lonely then it’s time you evaluate that relationship. It could be toxic in nature.
5. Cheating.
Well, this is quite obvious and many of you are definitely thinking it’s a deal-breaker but you’d be shocked by how many people that are in relationships where they are being cheated on. If your partner cheats once, chances are they will do it again. That’s how it works.
So, if they cheat and say I was drunk or I wasn’t thinking straight. All that is total rubbish and it’s unacceptable. If you managed to remain faithful to your partner despite the problems you were having in your relationship, there is a high probability the outcome will repeat itself.
What am trying to say is this, if you are being cheated on and you’re aware of it. You should walk away from that relationship as fast as you can because it’s not worth it. Cheating is really disrespectful and one doesn’t love you if they don’t respect you.
7. Violence.
A relationship filled with violence is a no go for anyone yet many people find themselves in one nonetheless. If your partner harms you in any way whether they love you or not, you should rethink your options and leave that relationship before things get out of hand.
When your partner beats you to near death and then they claim they did it because they love you. That’s some pathological crap and is clearly a sign of a toxic relationship. Just as cheating, if they hit you once best believe it’s happening again! Let’s learn to look out for ourselves or else you could end up in a body bag.
Here are other signs that you should look out for in a toxic relationship;
- Threatening tactics
- Verbal abuse
- Bullying
- Financial abuse
- Constant criticism
- Intimidation
- Shaming
- Manipulation
I could go on, but for now, let’s work with this. I need you to look into your relationship and ask yourself if you are happy. Because at the end of the day that’s what matters.
Also, I need you to know that being single is not a bad thing. Do not be afraid of being alone. No one ever died from it. So, if it’s not working let it go. There are 7 billion people in the world and any of those could be the right person for you. I’m very inclined to say once again KNOW YOUR WORTH! No one can do that for you. That’s an inside job and so is happiness.
However, let’s not get all self-righteous and carried away. Chances are you might be the toxic one in the relationship. So, if you feel that way. I beg you to withdraw yourself from someone’s life before it gets really bad. If you can’t keep it in your pants, don’t go looking to settle down hoping the other person might change you because brethren it doesn’t work like that.
You have to deal with some things on your own. And if you get into a relationship and feel like you want more, that relationship isn’t for you. End it as soon as you can. If you are overprotective and overly jealous get some help.
At the end of the day, I personally think one should be able to clean themselves up at least 50 per cent whether it’s from their previous relationship or personal issues before they involve someone else. Yes, we all have baggage but some of it is too heavy to carry into the next relationship.
Also read: Defining Racism and The Institutional Power Behind It
