Let me tell you something that makes female humans different to female chimps. I mean there are lots of things that do, but here’s an important one: if you look at which male in a chimp troop fathers most of the offspring, it’s mostly the dominant male. But the reason for that isn’t because the female chimps sort of flock around the dominant male; that happens in other species but not with chimps.
What happens is the dominant chimp chases all the subordinate males away and will interfere with any sexual behaviour they may manifest. The females, though, are perfectly happy to mate with the subordinate male chimp if they are in heat and they get an opportunity.
So, they go into heat (which is something that doesn’t happen with female humans) and they really don’t care who they mate with. OK, female humans are much different than that. They are picky; they are really choosy and it’s a big deal.
However, with women and they seem to evaluate men for their fitness. Women prefer men who are about 4 to 5 years older than them and they marry across and up dominance hierarchies. The evidence for this in Psychology is quite clear in regards to IQ; as a woman’s IQ increases the probability that she’ll be married decreases and the reason for that is; imagine a very accomplished woman; say about 29 to 30 years of age very attractive, well put together, physically fit, they are extremely conscientious, career focused and extraordinarily intelligent.
Well, these kinds of women intimidate most men that come close to them. It’s not because they’re acting in an intimidating way (although they do); it’s also because men tend to mate across and down dominance hierarchies. So, there aren’t that many men who are attractive, 30 – 34 years old, career focused, very conscientious; well put together physically, intelligent and earning a very high salary (who are also unattached). The number of guys like that is very low…someone would say there aren’t any guys like that.
You can also add one more dimension to that; a 29 to 30-year-old woman brings a problem to the table that a 23 – 25-year-old woman doesn’t bring to the table. Which is that she wants to have a child… TOMORROW!
Whereas a 25-year-old woman wants to have a child sometime in the next 5 years. And so, unless the guy that she’s looking for is like ready to go at the drop of a hat; then it’s easier for him to just pick a younger woman who’s just not as intimidating which happens all the time.
There’s no place to lay blame, it’s just how it is. No woman wants to find a man that she has to support and the reason for that is she’s actually looking for support because she wants to have children which is perfectly reasonable. However, there are circumstances under which that radically reduces the domain of choice that’s left for certain women.
Another thing is women also underestimate the degree to which men are terrified of women. This is so because of men’s experience and generally speaking, although it has changed over the years. The most probable answer to the question, “will you give me your phone number?” is “are you kidding?!”
So the probability of rejection is very high and so these women that have all these things going for them are also terrifying targets for rejection and men also assume that “Oh well, they must be flooded with requests” and then they don’t even bother then the age thing also kicks in.
This is one of the things that makes successful women’s lives more complicated because they have to solve all the complicated problems of life in the ages of 22 to the age of 35 and men just don’t have to do that. Pressure isn’t there for men.
As women move towards their 30’s, the power relationship between men and women also starts to transform, because there’s almost nothing less valued than a young man but that’s starting to change as men move towards their 30s if they are successful. Whereas there’s nothing more valuable than a young woman but that changes as women move towards their 30s.
These are biological facts that make the mating situation extraordinarily complicated and also quite tragic and even catastrophic. That said, there’s no easy solution on the horizon; it’s not like anybody knows what to do about it.
Segun is a budding, freelance writer for Newslibre. He loves football, basketball, books, music (all things Birdie and flirts with a bit of Jazz), Philosophy and is an ultra-marathon runner.