For the longest time, society has associated certain things to a certain type of people, to certain behaviors, and some are just plain stereotypical.
For instance; if your father is from Western Uganda, and he drives a Land Cruiser of models 2012 and above, I have news for you. Your father is a thief. A corrupt, greedy government man who should be, but won’t be in jail. Even if he owns a successful private business; that’s the common assumption.
If your mother drives it, that’s even worse. She knowingly married a thief.
Being Western and wealthy is hardly seen as hard work. It’s obviously swindled or bribes money. Why? “You Westerners” are the “ones” in government.
Thanks to nepotism and discrimination. Sadly, this is utter hogwash. It’s what some disgruntled citizens say to justify why their luck hasn’t struck as hard as their VX owning country men.
Most Westerners do work hard. They lawfully own businesses, and are spending their rightfully made money on their expensive cars that take a lot of clean fuel. From Shell or Total and, maybe City oil. I am not saying that some aren’t dubiously getting this cash, am saying, it’s not all of them.
My absolute favorite stereotyped car precept, and one that I helped start and spread and continue to spread; people that own Toyota Probox cars are shopkeepers, or they secretly want to become one. Otherwise, why, for the love of God and everything beautiful, would anyone buy a Probox?
Also, I believe they like bread, a lot. The car is shaped like a loaf of poorly baked bread. If you are a shopkeeper, buy a freaking Datsun pickup.
My buddy Tony hates our B Class (read my review here). He says it’s ugly and Mercedes should never have made it. I bet he would rather have a Probox. And that says a lot about his taste. By God’s grace, he has a fine woman, otherwise, she’d be shaped like a Probox too.
Car stereotyping is shockingly nearly accurate. It cannot be a coincidence that a certain type of car is associated to a certain type of people. We are observant, very! When we, in unison come to a common conclusion about something, it’s often true.
Now, for what brings me here today; the type of petrol heads that love speed and power go for performance cars, obviously. Subarus in particular are performance cars with a brilliant track record. They are some of the most driven cars in cross country dirt rallies. They are fast and efficient. If you have watched Ansel Elgort’s “Baby Driver,” you noticed the red Impreza in the first mission.
“As a whole, these are tried and proven cars.”
A common fable about Subarus is; they are driven by lumpens. People that think they know cars well enough to speed wherever.
They often tune them and fit ridiculously loud exhaust pipes, and try to race everyone else on the road. Especially Forester owners that have models before the 2003 second generation.
This habit has spread to some drivers of the newer Forester models too. Subaru drivers have become loathed on the road because of their reckless, selfish driving methods. And this is almost all of them.
An important part of what makes Subaru the legend, and why I’d understand the lumpishness of some owners, is its turbo charger.
A few milliseconds past the turbo lag, that speed when you ask the car to deliver. That assurance that you can race and beat anyone else on the road. It’s false confidence sometimes, but the car gives you the impression.
Subarus are cheerleaders when you are driving one. They give you the authority and boost you need to enjoy the drive. They grip well at high speeds, the turbo is sensational; the feeling when that turbo kicks in is titillating and why anyone would buy a Subaru. The hereditary turbo charging (given the rally blood) remains a Subaru special and despite trading extreme comfort and luxury, they compensate with out-and-out driving pleasure.
Subaru fanaticism in Uganda is so strong, there is an entire car festival about them. The SubaFest. I attended this year’s event at Jahazi Pier in Munyonyo and I could have never imagined Kampala has that many Subarus. It was a sight to behold.
Therefore, if you buy a Subaru that’s normally aspirated / non-turbo, you don’t really drive a Subaru. “Of course I do, it’s written on the tailgate,” you’ll quickly defend. But it isn’t. I drove one last week.
For this review the Subaru I got my hands on, was non-turbo. I didn’t feel like I was driving the legendary name plate. There was nothing special about it. I was hungry for power and speed when i sat in the drivers seat. I came out frustrated, bored and hungry, for food this time.
If you are looking for a spacious car, a Toyota Wish or Fielder would be a much more economical and practical buy. Buying a Subaru for the shape and not the performance is acceptable but, it’s like buying a burger because you like buns.
When you drive a Subaru, it is supposed to send arresting chills of excitement down your spine. You are not supposed to feel safe. If you feel safe and cultured behind the wheel of a Subaru, stop, park by the roadside, get out and be sure you are driving a Subaru.
You might have accidentally entered your neighbors Ipsum. Essentially, that’s why you need that Turbo Charger under the hood of your Subaru; the hooliganism of the Turbo charger is what makes Subaru what it is.
“Driving the non-turbo felt safe and sane. I was a little depressed from the boredom at the end of my test drive.”
In brief, a Subaru without turbo is a meal prepared and presented by Chef Raphael, but when you taste it, he “forgot” to put salt. When you ask him for salt, he tells you it’s not a mistake. This particular meal doesn’t come with salt. It looks good, but, it’s bloody awful to eat.
Author: Ian Paul Byamugisha
Ian Paul Byamugisha is a writer/author/novelist and car journalist. As a writer for Newslibre, he writes car reviews, cars news, tech news and anything that one might find interesting to read. Currently working on a spy novel collection titled “Arthur Vintage.”