It is normally Ian Paul who talks about cars here but when he reads this article, he is most certainly going to want a sit down with me. Truth is, Ian doesn’t really own the cars all by himself so I will talk about any car I choose to talk about and there is absolutely nothing he is going to do about it. Actually, am going to dare him to do anything.
Based off of my previous article, am sure we all know by now that am more of a bodaboda guy and sometimes a taxi guy for long distances.
There is something about bodabodas and normal taxis or like my Kenyan friends call them, Matatus. In the taxi, you get to enjoy seeing others giggling at silly vibes being thrown at them and of course the madness that ensues when a phone owner comes through the window to take it back from the temporary owner (read thugging).
Today, I won’t be talking much about that so I will delve right into this car that I was chanced to ride in recently. It was a BMW, but it didn’t have a big booty like the way my colleague Ian loves his cars or ladies.
A large number of folk alien to Africa ask themselves what the whole fascination is with my kind and big booty, I will tell you this, am going to ask Ian Paul to tell us more about that in an article some day.
A few of you must be giggling and asking yourselves if I don’t fancy women without a big boot, I will definitely not be answering that because really sinze jajja wo (Am not your grandpa).
This one evening after being tossed around the office and town to run errands like am my boss’s puppet, which I might be since he pays me so I have to obey; I was seriously worn out and exhausted picturing the long trek back home like a page from “Around the World in 80 Days. Luckily, a friend of mine bailed me out.
As I followed her on autopilot as she led the way to her car, I was like a zombie from the walking dead following around a herd of other zombies with no purpose all because they heard a loud bang and assumed their must be human brains to munch.
We came to a sudden halt, she fumbled with her keys and I threw my weight on the seats. Alas! I was awake and reborn with a jolt of energy throughout my body. The seats were so darn comfortable, I was torn between passing out for a few minutes like it was my bed or staying awake to see and feel what else this car had to offer. I chose to stay awake, and ladies and gentlemen, I wasn’t disappointed.
Hearing the engine start was like hearing a light growl of sexy beast, I was already swayed by this BMW 318i e46. Seeing her shift gears and realising that it was a manual transmission just lit up my brain’s neurons the more. I could feel my loins tingling as we made a descent downhill from Mulago to join main road traffic, I wasn’t sure whether it was just my excitement or the heat from the sun earlier that day.
Did I mention that it was damn BMW? My people, the comfort and agility the car had were to die for. She was maneuvering corner after corner at steady speeds without breaking a sweat. That is how I forgot about my entire day before then, it was heavenly I tell you.
Was it just me? There was a point where the road felt so smooth and the acceleration seemed effortless. It was very interesting to see taxis give the BMW way. I really did understand where they were coming from because who wants to scratch that beauty only to end up paying damages that could easily have been your week’s or month’s earnings.
The sound was almost inexistent as we swooshed by like silent assassins creeping up on your wife and kids without them even knowing. We were in there, being normal you know, having a debate about how pork is better than chicken.
I had even forgotten about African gatekeepers and their gates always making noise, that I got a rude awakening when we had arrived at our destination! When we got out, she locked the car and the windows automatically rolled up as she started walked away.
I stood there in awe, dumbfounded by the safety, design, engineering and precision the Germans put into making this car compared to some of the others I have been in. I am looking at you Toyota. The BMW M 318i was incredibly gorgeous that you would love her like your wife, very stable on the ground and fast. I am in love, I am in love with BMW.
The BMW franchise has always been my fascination and to be in one and have a beautiful lady driving it with so much ease and finesse was such a turning point.
Imagine the level of satisfaction I got while in that BMW 318i and compare it to when I finally do land on that bootylicious BMW X6, I could shed a tear just at the thought of it. Every time I see the X6, I want to scream at bae and ask her to come into my life early enough so we can strategise on our first baby.
By the way I know that you’re about to ask me about the issues of fuel, servicing, maintenance and all; but I will say this honey, if it means us driving that car once a week, we shall drive it once a week.
I know that at the moment we are still dying to eat rolexes, but we can start saving kitano (500 shillings) and only eat arolex of one chapati so we can achieve our vision by 2021 in time for when Uganda apparently will also reach middle income status.
I have decided to prepare my wallet to buy for me and bae that utimate driving machine. Bae, I know you are reading this, know that I am getting ready for us to have such luxuries!
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Moses is a freelance writer for Newslibre and Programs Associate at the Uganda Child Cancer Foundation. He loves writing about sports, politics and news around the globe and Inspiring new young people!!